‍Intro

If you’re here you’re probably wondering if what you’re feeling or going through would be considered ‘bad enough’ for therapy. After working as a Clinical Psychologist for 20 years, I can tell you, there is no such thing.

This guide outlines helpful signs that may indicate professional support is worth thinking about, the difference between whether you’re coping or avoiding and whether therapy is genuinely worth it. 

Key takeaways:

• There is no threshold to meet if you want to start therapy, curiosity is enough 
• Considering therapy is still rooted in stigma and the feeling of ‘am I struggling enough?’’
• Signs of distress (how you are feeling) and functionality (how you are coping in everyday life) are areas that can signal professional support could help 
• There isn’t a difference between a therapist and counsellor, they’re both qualified professionals. What matters most is your relationship with them
• Therapy doesn’t have to be forever; just try one session and see how you get on with it

Do I need therapy, or am I overreacting?

I always say to people, if you are considering whether you are ‘struggling enough’ to go to therapy… then go to therapy. There are lots of people out there who are not wondering about therapy, so if your mind is curious, then that is a message in itself.

I think people still hold stigma, and this is part of the reluctance to start. I started working in mental health almost 20 years ago and therapy was only considered an option if ‘something is wrong with you’. As a result, what has stuck is people second guess themselves; “Is there something wrong with me?”, "I should be managing this without support”, “I am not struggling enough”.

Thankfully, over the years, people are starting to recognise that therapy isn’t a signal that something is bad or wrong but can simply be to navigate whatever needs a little extra support from a trained professional. 

I often compare it to trying to do your own plumbing. Imagine if your toilet started to splutter a bit, perhaps not perform as it used to, some wear and tear or an actual blockage of sorts. I don’t know many people who would get the rubber gloves out and start taking all the pipes apart. Most people would call a plumber and get the issue resolved. What enables it to happen so quickly is there isn't a stigma attached to calling a plumber, and this is where we need to get to with therapy. 

I like to tell people that therapy doesn’t have to be something you try and then stick with, if you don’t want to. There is no harm in booking a call or a session with a therapist just to be curious. Spending any time with a good therapist is likely to be helpful and beneficial. At its simplest, a therapy session will help you clarify what brought you there and why you were curious.

This might then mean you book in another session, or it might be that one session was enough to confirm your wish to continue without the support.

Therapy doesn’t have to be big and scary and there isn’t a threshold you need to cross to have it. It's just a conversation with someone who is trained to navigate these spaces, in the same way the plumber knows their way around the U-bend. 

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How to know if you need therapy: the signs that matter

There isn’t one definite sign that means ‘it’s time for therapy’. But, as a Clinical Psychologist, you are trained to think about two things; distress (how you are feeling) and functionality (how you are coping in everyday life).

If someone is feeling distressed there will be signs of:

• Chronic anxiety
• Anger
• Sadness
• Numbness
• Irritability
• Loss of pleasure

If someone isn’t functioning or coping there may be signs of: 

• Withdrawing from your community
• Moving from one thing to the next without resting 
• Lack of sleep and always feeling tired
• Relying more on substances or dopamine rich moments such as doom scrolling, substance use
• People close to you recognise you’re not being yourself (think Ross from friends with his “I’m fine!”)
• Avoiding or suppressing emotions
• Not having the capacity for things in general 

If you’re experiencing the above, it doesn’t automatically mean you should start therapy. It’s more about paying attention to the signs of whether you feel like you’re coping or not.

Are you actually coping or avoiding?

Coping for me is about understanding what capacity you have. What do you need to help you navigate this tricky moment? What do you have space for and what feels too much? Recognising the above might help you to understand if you need that extra space for support with therapy. 

Someone who is coping is connected to others, they are sharing their thoughts and experiences. They are owning what feels too much and what they might be saying no to and why.  

Someone who is using a coping strategy that isn’t so helpful looks like this: 

• Your coping mechanism starts to impact other areas of your life, such as your ability to maintain relationships. If you don’t have time for others, this is a coping strategy that has become unhelpful
• You use certain coping mechanisms to distract yourself, rather than deal with what needs addressing
• You are ‘coping on paper’, meaning on the surface you appear to be functioning well but maintaining that appearance is taking more and more effort to uphold

Often the best thing to ask yourself is: “Am I doing something that is helping me to feel good and manage my current demands?” If yes then you have a good coping mechanism. 

If the answer is “I can’t stop doing this, I don’t get much from it” it might be distraction or avoidance rather than coping.

But again, all of this is tricky to document in a generic sense. Individuals all have different circumstances, and often going to therapy will help you work out if you have good coping strategies or need to find some new ones. That’s why I can’t always agree with the ‘signs you need therapy’ check-lists. I think they can be helpful but they are also generic and simple. A therapy signal for someone is going to look very different from someone else. Life is difficult, and struggles are part of it. However, there’s a tipping point when emotions feel too big or too distant. These are signals to reach out to a professional.

Do you need to be struggling to go to therapy?

I think we need to stop thinking about therapy as a place where some people can go and some people can’t. It's not about ‘should I go to therapy’ or ‘do I need therapy’, it's ‘do I want to go to therapy, can I afford therapy and how do I get there?’ There isn’t a threshold you need to meet. There is simply a curiosity, or an urge. Something that pulls you towards seeking a professional space that is going to make life feel way more comfortable.

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Therapy doesn’t only happen in the therapy room

I believe you can find therapeutic moments in different areas of life, it doesn’t always have to happen inside a therapy session.

• A conversation with your best friend
• Support from your boss to overcome a work challenge
• Talking through your fear of your child starting school with another first time parent 

Therapy happens everywhere, in life's little moments. Seeking a therapeutic moment with a professional is just another way to get support in your life. It's there when the need goes above and beyond your friend or your boss, but it's also there to create a foundation for you to be able to seek support and help from those around you. 

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Is therapy actually worth it?

Yes. It's one of the most rewarding (and longlasting) things you can do for yourself. Although I appreciate I am very biased! 

I know a lot of people weigh up whether the cost of ongoing therapy is genuinely worth it but you will learn things that will last you a lifetime, and save you money in many other ways. Less addictions, less dopamine consumption, less emotionally flawed communications and relationship breakdowns (to name a few)!

Therapy is a place where someone is trained to support you to work through something you already know, but have trouble accessing. It's a place where you start to become aware of narratives and stories you are reading and following without awareness. 

It's a space that gives you permission to re-write some of the scripts and live in a way that suits who you are and where you want to go. 

It’s also a space where you don’t have to censor what you say. You don’t have to take into account anyone else’s feelings. Your therapist is not involved in your life in any other way so you don’t have to consider how what you’re saying may impact them. 

Therapy can’t change a person without their permission, it can’t erase your past or alter people around you. But it can help you to re-frame and be less bothered by others and past events in your life. 

But therapy isn’t a magic wand. It can’t change something that isn’t already there. It is also not an overnight ‘fix.’ Therapy isn’t a space where you show up and suddenly everything looks and feels different. It’s also not a place where you have to overshare in order for it to be helpful either. 

In summary, therapy is a place where someone can go to unlock something. To get permission to let go of anything that isn’t serving them, and build new foundations based on their values and goals. However, it does require effort and showing up, it's not a free ride. 

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Therapy or counselling — and which type?

This might be an unpopular opinion in the therapy world but I wouldn’t get too caught up in the difference between the two because people use the terms interchangeably.

Things that matter more in a therapist regardless of whether they are a therapist or counsellor:

• That they are professionally qualified (their qualification should have taken at least 2 years to attain)
• That they have regular supervision
• That they have appropriate insurance 
• Understanding what struggles they work with
• Knowing how they approach supporting those struggles
• That they’re not burnt out and seeing too many clients every week
  
  

The thing that matters the most is that you feel you’re talking to someone you feel comfortable with and want to work through whatever it is that is stopping you from feeling like the best version of you. 

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Your no-pressure next step

If you are asking ‘do I need therapy?’ Perhaps that is simply the signal you need to explore it a little more.

You can have a conversation with a therapist, see if you click and take it from there. There really isn’t much more needed to take that first step other than curiosity.

Once we pair you with a therapist we genuinely will help, you get to have a free discovery call to have that sense check and see if it something you’d like to carry on with. Click HERE to start your pairing conversation today.

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